How to Get What You Want in Life

Want to know how to get what you want in life? The secret is surprisingly simple, but also surprisingly difficult. The answer is… commit to taking action until you get it! There we go. End of blog.

You might be feeling a bit deflated right now. Maybe you thought I was about to tell you about some secret key that would magically unlock the door to the life you truly want. I’m sorry to let you down, but I have to tell you that this doesn’t exist. Santa also doesn’t exist. How about that for a dose of cold reality!

The messaging that if we just want something hard enough and deeply enough then it will happen seems to be quite prevalent. This is very Law of Attraction-y and it certainly is the first step towards getting what you want. You have to want it first (duh). But that’s not enough on its own. I very much want to lose 10 pounds. I deeply, deeply want that. Sometimes I feel miserable that I’m not 10 pounds lighter. When I try on a cute top and it doesn’t look so cute on me, I feel quite despairing that I’m not 10 pounds lighter. So with all this wanting and desire, why hasn’t it happened??

Most people want something to be different in their lives – career, family life, personal issues, etc. We feel that if certain things were not the way they are right now, we’d be happy. If I had a spouse, or a different spouse, if I had a different job, if I looked a different way, my life would improve, I would have no problems, and I’d be so much happier. Again, sorry to burst your bubble, but no (this is quite a harsh blog!).

So there’s a couple of issues with our thinking here. One is that if we just want something badly enough, it will happen. The other is that if it happens, we’ll be happier. That’s too much for one post, so I’ll just talk about the first one.

Although ‘to want’ is a verb, it actually doesn’t imply any action in and of itself. The dictionary defines it as “have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for” – as in, I want to lose weight. The key word here is ‘desire’, not ‘do’. Wanting is passive and easy. It doesn’t require us to take any action and it has no risk. I can sit on the couch and deeply want to lose weight and presto! I have done what I set out to do – I have felt the desire to lose weight. Mission accomplished.

The problem with this is that the more you want something but don’t take action towards it, the bigger the gap becomes between desire and reality, and the more frustrated and hopeless we get.

Commitment to achieving what we want requires action. Again looking at the dictionary, commitment is an agreement or pledge to do something in the future. Committed people do what they say they will do, and they keep doing it until they achieve what they set out to achieve. This is where we lose many people in achieving what they want. They don’t take committed and consistent action towards their goals. Please don’t feel that I am finger pointing or shaming anyone. Remember that I still deeply want to be 10 pounds lighter, which means that I haven’t taken enough action to get there.

Here’s an example of taking committed action to getting what I really want. Say, hypothetically, someone wants chicken wings. I really, really feel like some wings. I’m sitting on the couch feeling a deep desire for the wings (hmm, maybe this is a clue to my extra 10 pounds! Anyway, back to the example). No matter how much I want these wings, I’m going to have to take some kind of action to get them. Luckily for me, I remember that a restaurant is having wings night tonight. So now I know how I can get them. Great. I’ll access that knowledge and then it will happen – the wings will come to me on the couch.

After waiting a while, the wings don’t come. I realize that just knowing how to get the wings isn’t enough – I’ll have to act on that knowledge. So I get up from the couch, I brush my hair and put on some makeup (I don’t want to scare the people at the restaurant!). I put on my jeans and a slightly nicer top. I make sure the house is locked up, I find my car keys and my purse, and I close the blinds because it will be dark by the time I get back. In the meantime, my husband has been getting ready too. I go back upstairs because I’ve forgotten to put in some earrings and I have to decide which shoes I’m going to wear. This has been a lot of effort so far!

Finally I’m ready, and we get in the car. I open the garage door, reverse out, and close the door. I make sure that there’s nobody walking behind the car and we set off. It takes about 20 minutes to get to the restaurant and when we get there, there’s a line. The wait will be about 30 minutes. So we wait and finally we’re seated. I look at my husband and say that we should just give up now – we’ve expended all this time and energy to get here, and we still don’t have any wings. Look at everything I’ve done and there is no result! It’s just not worth the effort. Let’s give up and go back to the couch. At least I’m comfortable there.

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this slightly ridiculous example. We have a desire for something, we take some action, it doesn’t give us the immediate results we want or it gets difficult, and we give up. Not only do we give up, but we become convinced that we can’t do it – there’s something wrong with me.

The question to ask yourself is: do I want it or am I committed to getting it?

Commitment to change requires action. It can be uncomfortable but it creates results. The results might be slow, but they are there. If you want big results, you have to take big action and you don’t stop until you get what you want. However, commitment also requires focus, energy, and sometimes money to achieve what you want. It’s not possible for us to be committed enough to achieve several things at the same time. We have to choose where we are going to place our limited resources and focus on that.

So let me ask you, what is the number one thing in your life you want to commit to changing? What is your plan to create results here? What actions will you take, and how will you overcome the obstacles and limitations that get in the way of this? How will you ensure consistency in your actions until you get the results you want? I want to encourage you to remember that it’s possible. If someone in the world has done it, you can do it too. Keep going until you get what you want – I believe in you :)